Cucumbers? That must be a French thing

I work in a 'centre de formation' where we form embryo chefs, waiters, waitresses, beauticians, hairdressers, butchers, bakers and shop assitants. No candle makers, sorry. If I'm in a complimentary mood I'd call it a school, otherwise it's just a holiday camp. And quite understandably. My students work for two weeks then come to school for a rest. Then they are inconvenienced by teachers who want them to listen in lessons and even expect homework to be done from time to time. To expect them to learn English seems to be the last straw in most cases. If it will help them translate their computre games then, ça va, but if you want them to learn a bit of grammar - Madame, vous abusez!

Then there is the fact that I'm Anglaise. This leaves me open to all sorts of ridicule. I'm sure fellow 'rost bif' will agree with me that they find themselves personaly responsible for the burning of Joan of Arc, the war in Iraq, Tony Blair and Jelly. Foreign teachers such as myself have, perhaps, a harder time than others. Teenagers are the harshest of critics, they do not mince their words. They can also be quite thick, does this come from their parents? 'Stupidist question of all time award' asked by an embryo chef "You have cucumbers in England, Madame?" Then of course there is "You have cheese? No!" Whatever my reply might be the rejoinder is always the same: "vous etes bizarre en angleterre, vous" (bizarre =weird) and I am obliged to defend myself. Not bizarre, different. I'm going to do myself a t-shirt. Save time and breath.

I am sorry to say that my colleagues are des fois worse than the students. And they should no better! Shouldn't they... But they can't help themselves, they are French they are supposed to deteste the English and their strange culinary ways. I rue the day and would happily punch the person who started the rumour that the French make the best lovers. I have to live with the results, and it's not pretty. But then perhaps I shouldn't be so harsh on them, it's in the blood. Brits are the same. Now my Uncle for one...